Thursday, October 30, 2014

How to wipe, using only one sheet of toilet paper.

 ** WARNING graphic content **

I read somewhere that all you needed for a decent wipe was 1 square of toilet paper.  A few years back I tried a little experiment and documented it... you know, for science.

To first attempt this, you will need a single sheet of two ply (three if possible) and good technique.

One of the most overlooked steps to the technique is to pick a good 2 or 3 ply toilet paper.  Tear off a sheet, ensuring the edges are cut clean and no tears up the sheet. No one likes that.

We then begin the wrap around the Index and Middle fingers.

It took me a few tries to figure out the best way to wrap up my fingers and tuck it on the backside.  This keeps the toilet paper taut so as to not slide around when you wipe.

Wipe with a firm but steady pressure.  Too firm and you risk ripping the toilet paper.
Unfortunately in my case, too much pressure and a hole developed.

I needed to see what damage was done to the toilet paper so I needed to clean it off

As you can see, the toilet paper did not hold up to the test.  I'm not certain if it was too much pressure, too much moisture or too many nuts.

Because there are a lot of nuts in the EAT-MORE candy bar.  If you thought I would actually wipe my ass with a single ply, then lick it and eat poo... you are more sick than I am!

How to get that poo look.... run a bit of EAT-MORE candy bar under hot water.

Thanks for reading Blatherings of an Idiot.  Stay tuned for next time while we test making Urine Margaritas by freezing the urine for that smoothy texture. 

Monday, November 1, 2010

Ode to green bic

How you have served me well. 

 You have sparked a journey over 12000 miles through these last months; a steady partner always at hand.  You have illuminated a small corner of the grand canyon and cast a glow of happiness From Green bay to Tampa.  

You've survived a near drowning in San Diego and left me breathless in New Mexico.  You've enabled me long nights in motel rooms, always by my side.  

Lit a trip from the high winds of oklahoma, to the low lands of south carolina...Fired up from the Everglades to the smoky mountains, through rain and fog, you've kept me illuminated. 
When finally back home, your flame burned bright, I knew you were nearing it's end.  
Even feeble, i needed you, until you ran out of the essence which gave you life. 

I shall remember you.

Sunday, September 19, 2010